I was just reading a sample of the Kindle version of a book written by Zach Sobiech’s mother..Zach Sobiech was a teenage boy who died last year of a rare form of cancer..His words now in print..said..”I don’t know how to do this..” What he meant was, how do you go on living while you are dying..I remember watching the YouTube videos on this boy..I highly recommend watching..Here is the link for the Upworthy page with his story and a year later..
I can so relate to those feelings..all cancer patients can..When I was first diagnosed it was right before the holidays in November 2012..How am I suppose to be happy and enjoy the holidays and act like everything is normal..I walked around lost and sad for months..Every day ..well those days I got any sleep..I would wake up and felt like the movie Ground Hog Day..every day was the same..it was like living a nightmare you can’t wake up from. You know those really bad dreams..then you wake up and say..whew ..it was just a dream..well this wasn’t a dream and I couldn’t ignore it..although I tried..pretend it wasn’t happening,,tried that too..Meanwhile other people were just living their lives…I didn’t have a ton of friends and family bringing me food or coming to doctor visits..I have always had struggles in life with depression ..and not having many friends..true friends.,friends that would be there for you..and yes a cancer diagnosis just magnifies what you don’t have more..and reminded me about my life..and now here I have this cancer diagnosis.. I could just do nothing and finally have this life over with..prove to the people who didn’t like me how right they were ..the ones who said they hated me,,yes I heard these words many times in my life especially high school.,then later in the work force..probably why to this day I find solace doing things alone or with small groups of people,,But one thing I have learned from cancer is.,yes I am different.,but that’s ok.,but growing up I tried so hard to be like everyone else..I am not very coordinated so sports was never my thing..I am more artistic and creative…ahh something I can do..
So I began crafting again..and it’s a wonderful outlet and therapeutic..I made an Etsy store a few years ago and started it back up again when I broke my ankle in Nov, 2011..Nov 2012 I get a cancer diagnosis,,my joke was,,geez will Nov 2013 be a heart attack..bad joke and I lived thru November 2013 unscathed ..Then I started making jewelry for breast cancer awareness..And other items..and I decided to donate a portion of the sales of these items to breast cancer charities such as Living Beyond Breast Cancer and to fundraisers online for other cancer patients I became friends with on Facebook.. https://www.etsy.com/shop/Susannj30?section_id=14340358&ref=shopsection_leftnav_2#
I started a few groups on Facebook for breast cancer support and have been trying to get a support group going in Hopewell at the local church..
Do I still have my down days? Yes of course..But I try to do those things that bring me joy..whether it’s walking my dog..taking a ride up to New Hope, PA and walking around..whatever I feel drawn to that day..I recently purchased a Vitamix blender from QVC..QVC offered six easy pays which was the only way I could afford this blender..I have wanted one for years and it was a really good deal..so I said I am going to do it,,my mother scolds me..about spending so much..I said..”I have cancer..I am living for now..and if this machine can help me to eat healthier and lose weight..that’s a good thing..”