Ok cancer I am tired..


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I haven’t written in awhile..I am so sick of thinking about cancer,,living with cancer,,I am sure others are sick of reading my blog..I don’t have answers..and am contemplating just doing chemo..I want to be done with it..maybe I should have had the mastectomy ..I am tired of being tired.,I did sleep some last night..maybe my decisions aren’t the wisest..maybe I should be on anti depressants ..I pray..have had others prayed for me..I don’t have a large circle of people to help me..and sometimes I wonder what I am fighting for.,I have been researching medical marijuana..NJ does have a medical marijuana program..but from what I read for cancer you have to be terminal..Use one of the listed doctors and have a relationship with them for a year..My Dr isn’t listed..I was watching a video about a girl with brain cancer who was making her own cannabis oil..which by the way doesn’t look easy..Sometimes I wish there was a book on what to take for cancer..I do have one book and there are so many different things.,Dealing with cancer isn’t like having a cold..especially if you are like me and didn’t have the tumors removed..I feel like I did in the beginning..thinking about cancer often..am I doing enough,,should I just trust my doctor and live my life,,? should I go see a counselor or get meds from some doctor..should I try to get cannabis oil? I have Medicaid but it doesn’t cover much..I am on SSI..I wish I could say living with cancer for over 2 yrs has made me stronger..I was ..then my sleep and mood took a dump from being put in a chemical menopause..yes I wish I had someone to help me make the best decisions..I write on cancer message boards.,most are others on meds just trying to live..one board I am on are others living with advanced breast cancer,,although I don’t really feel sick other than the tumors..I don’t have much of an appetite..if I had money I Would pay someone to help me get the supplements and food I need..I am not sure what that is anymore..I know eating better would help,,and I did this for awhile..it’s hard to keep up..I am not giving up.,just not sure what to do with myself anymore..

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