SO I DECIDED TO MOVE FORWARD..


So today I decided to move forward..I started my first day of Wellbutrin..
HOPEFULLY it will start to kick in..and I can start kicking cancer in the ass..I would like to be around longer..I Keep reading positive things about cannabis oil..but how do you get it..?

I am very close to taking a chemo pill..not sure if it works like chemo in an IV..I haven't really researched it..maybe I am still in denial..I guess I am trusting Dr. SCHAEBLER..But maybe there is more I can do..I am trying to get my head together so I can fight this..so I that I no longer spend half of my days being miserable and the other half I feel better..BARELY leaving the house..maybe for a pet sitting job or two..

THIS ISNT LIVING! Ok I have always had social issues and issues dealing with people..maybe under lying aspbergers..I just don't know..does it matter at this point? Perhaps..so I can make peace with my own life and make sense all the struggles I have had..PERHAPS my dad had undiagnosed aspbergers..

I did an online test for aspbergers and it said I was borderline..I don't have the food and clothing issues or eye contact issues..but I do tend to stare at people and have the lack of social skills..like understanding things..and I still tend to be fearful of people at times..and young kids since I had issues as a kid and still don't know how to relate..although I have learned how to copy people well..

Many times in my life I needed others to help me make decisions..or help me with life..I call my mom often each day..to check in on her and to talk about my problems..

That's why I do better in small groups..never had a lot of friends..and why I have been a pet sitter for so long..my one friend said to me today..about being a prisoner to depression,,I am a prisoner..even before the Cancer
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