Waiting..


I am sure everyone here is sick of me..I know mornings are worse for me.,this probably has less to do with Cancer and maybe more about my mental health ..I am on week 4 of my Wellbutrin..maybe it’s not working.,I am sitting in bed feeling so weak..I have nothing to do today..no pet sitting jobs…I am suppose to receive my Xeloda today..I am so afraid of taking this pill..so I guess I will wait around for it..I feel like such a basket case..many times I feel like what am I fighting for..I don’t think I have the mental capacity to handle this…I wish I was stronger.,but I don’t think I am..I admit I get psychic readings and they tell me I am stronger than I think maybe it’s common sense.,who knows.,these feelings probably will pass because mornings seem to be rough..I just can’t see my value..I don’t even understand my own body..I have always had trouble understanding things..and may have an undiagnosed developmental disorder..my memory is bad.if I don’t write down when I take my pills I will forget..I just feel like such a useless piece of shit..I am not very smart.,and had trouble getting along with others..that’s why I had to go on SSI instead of SSDI.. Because I haven’t had a regular job since 1999..I have been a pet sitter since then but since I never filed taxes I don’t have proof of income all those years..I will be honest..I think I just want someone to take care of me..I barely take care of my pets..my dog needs a hair cut..they still have some fleas..I live with my boyfriend at his mother’s home…they have financial troubles..and I help some with bills..and when I offer his mother money she fights with me..my mom and brother care but they have their own life..not sure if I have common sense..maybe I am still depressed..it takes me until the afternoon to get moving unless I have some pet sitting.,and the weather isn’t helping,,I usually can handle the cold weather..it’s been so tough on me..I am thankful I don’t have dogs to walk,,sorry about the whinny post..you ladies are so much stronger than me..

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One thought on “Waiting..

  1. When you have cancer you are entitled to whine. I admire that you are able to share your worries and fears so completely. My sister had no problems with Xeloda so I hope you won’t either. I think it’s a good decision to try it to see if it helps. Stay strong.

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