Well..might as well blog..I wish I could turn back the clock..
I wish I graduated college and did more with my life..
I wish I could go back to a time where dating was my biggest concern..
I wish I could go back to having my own apartment..There was satisfaction in coming home to a place you worked hard for..
Moving forward it’s tough to see a future..
Yes I should live in the here and now..
Sure..I have a roof over my head..which I may lose if they move to Florida..
I am trying to be strong and go thru the radiation and hope for the best..
I DONT HAVE a huge support system..but I guess it’s better than nothing..
It would be so easy to give up..and curl up in a ball somewhere..
Yes I do have a brother..but unless I go to my mom’s house..he doesn’t reach out to me..UNless I call over there..
Yes they have helped me financially..And they say I can go back home..but I don’t want to go back to die..
My mom is 79..I don’t want to be a burden on her..
Sometimes I wonder what I am fighting for..it’s been a challenge living in this body..when you get rejected for how you look..many times since I was younger..i did the best I could..I made a lot of dumb mistakes..
And even though I didn’t have a mastectomy ..my body will still be deformed from the tumors..yes there are worse things..I can walk..well barely..I have such heal pain lately it makes it difficult..
I have talked to Rick about getting married..I guess it doesn’t matter..I just thought at least when I do die I could say I married someone and someone wanted me..Rick said he spoke with someone at work..and was told if we married I could lose my medicaid because he makes too much..not sure if that’s true..maybe..