Am I being selfish..


I really am not a selfish person..but I have Cancer.,I don’t get much sleep due to some pain and insomnia..I just don’t fight it anymore..if I sleep fine…if I don’t I read..I live with people and feel like it’s all about their lives..and I help when I can..all I have is my mom and brother.,yes they will help me financially sometimes..but if I don’t call them I won’t hear from them..I feel like I am screaming ..hey pay attention to me..Yes my friend Karen drove to take me to my first radiation appt yesterday..and I am appreciative of her..I just get scared..of dying..scared of dying alone like my dad did..

I just got done sitting in Rick’s mother’s living room listening to her talk about her life etc..yes it’s her home..and I am staying in her home..I don’t call her mom.,and honestly not sure where I belong anymore..I am not going to say they don’t do things for me..but there are problems every other second..with his teen..his mother’s health ..Rick has to worry about those two..and then there’s me..Honestly sometimes I wish I had money to buy an RV take my animals and run away..

Sigh.,I have tears in my eyes..which is a good thing..I haven’t been able to cry for months.,I guess my anti depressant is working..I feel like such a lazy person..some women work full time while getting treatment and raising children and I can barely take care of myself..and do some pet sitting and keep track of my doctor appts..I have my animals to look after and me..life doesn’t come with an instruction manual..

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