I struggle with this a lot..actually most of my life I would feel this way..yes there were times of happiness..I have my ups and downs..yes my life isn’t as challenging as others with children to care for or full time jobs..Although I was juggling caring for my pet sitting assignments and going to the hospital and dealing with the reality..plus throw in a head cold and getting daily radiation treatments..it’s just been tough..life has always been challenging for me..but I know I am not the only one ..
I have been watching the Today show this past week about ..do you believe? And I guess because of the Easter/Passover holiday that’s why they are doing the series..I was raised Jewish but I admit I haven’t been following it for some time..But I try to pray daily to God and the Angels..and sometimes I wonder if there is a God..although I admit going thru Cancer I talk to God and the Angels ..even daily during my radiation treatments to calm myself..I use to and still do talk to God when I walk my dog or other people’s dogs..
Last night I was feeling pretty sad..laying in bed in some pain..and just thinking I am tired I can’t do this anymore..This morning I was watching the Do you believe series? They were talking about an afterlife..For my senior term paper I wrote about near death experiences..I guess I have always been fascinated with death..maybe because I had so much trouble with life..Anita Moorjani was talking to Maria Shriver about her near death experience..I have her book on kindle..She was so fearful of death..her body was filled with tumors ..she went into a coma and met her father..and was given the choice to return..
Honestly ..if that was me,,I am not sure I would return..although these feelings come and go..I think of death on a daily basis..finding the will to live..