Sharing my thoughts from yesterday..


Anyone else awake…?

I had a break down in the radiation oncologist office yesterday,,I was crying..the nurse was sympathetic,,,and handed me the number for crisis care..because I told her I felt like giving up..I am taking wellbutrin almost 10 weeks now..maybe it’s not really working..i don’t have children or a husband..the nurse said to me..well who is there for you..I have one close friend..my mom..I have a boyfriend..I am on a waiting list for counseling..I gave up my pet sitting for now..but only have SSI supplemental coming in..not enough to live on..532 a month..yes I live with people but I pay a cable bill for them..I felt so invisible yesterday..I went out with my boyfriend for a drive..we went for pizza..the staff just spoke to him even at the table..later in the day I sat on the porch where I live and the mailman put the mail in the box and didn’t acknowledge me..yes I have had issues before Cancer..but it gets tougher some days..so easy to just give up..do the words from that nurse stick in my head..who is there for you..when I mention well I have my boyfriend ..a brother I am not close to..she says well they are men..my boyfriend has his mom and 15 yr old to worry about..i went to radiation alone because he had to go drive over an hour to go rescue his daughter from her mother’s home..not sure what happened but she was pretty upset..not sure if anyone here can relate to me..

  

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2 thoughts on “Sharing my thoughts from yesterday..

  1. Hi Susan, I agree with that nurse, you need an empathetic woman at times like that. In most cases men understand what another man needs but can’t quite do the same when it’s a woman. When my Mum was diagnosed with colon cancer her doctor asked her if she could talk to my Dad about it and she said he wouldn’t know how to handle her feelings. So she came to stay with me for a few days. First, she ironed everything I had that was creased (there was a mountain of it, as I hate ironing, but she likes it). Then she talked, I listened, hugged, cried with her and made cups of tea. The children were all at school for the day and my husband was at work, so we had the house to ourselves. I asked her if she would like to paint and she said, ‘Sure, what room?’ (she loves decorating).
    I laughed and got the kids’ poster paints and paper. My Mum said she couldn’t draw a straight line but would give it a go anyway.
    We painted together, hardly saying a word to each other, for four hours. It was the kids coming in from school that made us realize the day had gone without us noticing it. My Mum attended art classes after her surgery and even sold a few paintings. That was when she was in her fifties and she will be 80 this September.
    If you are reading this comment, Susan (sorry it’s so long), we have just done what my Mum and I did, we’ve spent some time together, painting pictures with our words. Writing is great therapy, as is music and painting and sculpture and anything creative that we can pour ourselves into. Keep writing, this day will end and there’ll be a new one tomorrow. Hugs, Jean. xx

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