Finding my way..


I posted a question in the facebook Cancer support group I am in..and 2 people commented I should get my meds adjusted..you can’t be totally doped up..yes I feel some what better..but the situation is what it is..I have stage 4 breast cancer..yes I could try eatting raw foods again..maybe that will help..but the main issue is dealing with life struggles..

I am soon to be 46 and at a pretty low point..I am still receiving radiation.,not sure if it is helping..I live in someone else’s home that maybe up for sell soon..My mother says I can come home but I feel like I need permission ..and she gives excuses..honestly I haven’t lived at home for 15 yrs..I can’t really afford my own place currently..Rick may go to Florida with his mom..

I am on SSI and really not suppose to be earning money..so I feel totally stuck..I don’t want to be a burden on anyone..I don’t have many friends or places to go.,My mom tells me about the rabbi from her temple who passed away from Breast cancer,,and how my brother was sorta upset over this..yes it’s sad she died..she had a family..she was my age..but my brother acts like she was family..Geez his sister has Cancer.,he never calls..my mom seems annoyed when I talk about moving back home..

I am just so sick of being pushed aside..do you think I want to go back home ..and feel like a total loser that I can’t really work,,I mean I could do pet sitting but I am not suppose to be earning money or could go to jail..Hmm jail and Cancer,,not a good idea..I try to push things aside..but I feel I need a plan..yes they might not sell the house..but there is so much stress here..I would like an easy button for once..

I don’t like putting up GO fund me accounts begging for help..or trying to get a counselor that I can afford without a waiting list..what did I do to deserve this..sometimes I feel punished..just not sure where to turn..I feel cornered and not happy about it..

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