Tired of fighting..

Tired of begging people..I spent most of the day crying..on the phone with my mom…trying to move back home..and feeling like I am a burden.,or an inconvenience..

Yes I have animals..and it’s almost flea season..I don’t have flea and tick products on them and my mom worries about fleas in the house because I brought them in a few years ago from my dog..where I currently live the house is up for sale..I don’t even have a relationship..I live with someone that is more a roommate than anything..when I talk to him about a future he says he doesn’t know what to do for me,,he can’t afford to get a place here..yes he has to worry about his 82 yr old mom and moving to Florida..I just feel so lost..yes the house isn’t sold yet..and I am getting myself all upset..I haven’t lived in my mom’s home in 16 yrs..

I admit I can be difficult to get along with..but I admit I am scared to death..scared of dying..constantly being asked who is your support system..yes I have my mom and brother..but they don’t go out of their way..I have to always go over there..I just got done having a discussion with Rick..people will say well what about your boyfriend..what about him..he’s not asking to marry me.,I pray and pray for guidance..

What I really would like is my own family.,which I can’t seem to achieve.,I tried..no one can ever say I didn’t try.,tonight Rick said I am always looking for someone to help me.,I just feel no one wants me..well recently yes..I worry about dying..yes I can search for some magical cure,,I am just tired..and it’s not depression..it’s just frustration..my biggest fear is that I am going to be bedridden or in a hospital bed all by myself. No one to visit me..and end up dying alone..


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