So today I decided to get off my lazy butt and take Nelson for a nice walk by the lake in Mercer County Park..Mercer County is the county I live in and they have several beautiful parks..The one in West WIndsor being the largest I believe…this one has always been my favorite..there’s a nice man made lake with paddle boats..and row teams use the lake..there’s fishing..people use the trails for exercising..or like Nelson and I to walk..taking pictures..sit and gaze at the view..breathe..just be..pray…
I have been back home in East Windsor for wow exactly 2 weeks..today is 2 weeks..Hmm seems longer..although I haven’t accomplished much..well I take things day by day ..and as each day is here I go by how I feel..the weather..dr appt or not,,listen for my inner guidance..pray pray pray..check myself and ask for forgiveness when I get snippy with my mom or brother..life is a journey..mine hasn’t been that eventful..I didn’t accomplish too much..but I have made a lot of mistakes..still do daily..but that’s ok.,it makes me..ME..and I don’t have to be like you..or look like you,,or walk and talk..and be like you..I am me..Susan..messy..awkard..I slur my words sometimes.,and talk soft sometimes..and my eyes aren’t set right..and I have spaces in my teeth ..and now I have discolored skin from radiation ,,and one Breast is smaller then the other..hooray..and I have big hips..and I am not the prettiest and not the ugliest..and not the fattest.,or smartest..or quickest..I have had many jobs..only been fired once for being late too many times..sometimes I am slow at figuring things out..and not always good at relating to people..I have been laughed at..spit on once..I still have trouble relating to people..and understanding things,,I take things personal and get sensitive,,but try to remind myself..so what..if someone acts a certain way..the little kid in me comes out..and like Oprah said..”they all want validation ..do you hear me? Do you see me? Does what I say mean anything to you?”
So our walk was pretty pleasant..I took pictures of the water..I love water don’t you..it is so relaxing..I always enjoyed swimming..just something about water..it’s so healing..and early in the morning is the best time to go to the park not many people and fewer people for nelson to bark at..and easier for me to calm him down..u even got a few smiles..how could you not..
With these pants and my bright pink shirt you would have to be blind to not see me..we all want to be acknowledged..why does it hurt my feelings if someone snubs me..the little 5 yr old little girl comes out..why at 46 does it still bother me.,and in my mind I always think well ..first I think what a mean person not wanting to look at me.,thinking they are better than me,,and it hurts my feelings.,or I think maybe it’s just them,,to make myself feel better.,then I try to let it go..and not focus on all that..because I have always had something happen..every place I lived or worked someone always made sure to speak it to someone else..to me if they had balls..or to themselves under their breath..their opinion of me..and let me know that they felt I wasn’t up to their standards and obviously felt that they were better than me or whatever,.and you know what when it is my time or maybe hopefully before I can ask God snd the Angels if any of that stuff mattered..if God valued and loved those with more money than those with less..gave more favor to those that most find appealing..more than others maybe not so appealing..does a God really love us all..even today as we were leaving the park this young guy was walking..kinda slow with a swagger..yeah see I am hip lol..I used a current word..swagger.,anyways..he was walking towards us and deteored down another path..yes you guessed it I took it personal,,as I would,,maybe it’s happened to you maybe it hasn’t maybe everyone loves you and it’S rare for anyone to ever say an unkind word to you,,well that has never been my life..so I have hidden away..many years doing pet sitting..so I don’t have to directly deal with people..maybe I am an empath and Intuitive like many psychics have told me..because I can only be around people for so long.,I have gone into deep depression and usually needed meds to get out of it..not sure if this is a sign of an empath..maybe these things happen to others..how people treat one another unless you happened to be blessed with everyone loving you..my life was kinda like the movie Pretty in Pink..but I never dated the popular guy..I am sure I probably slept with some popular ones but it didn’t change my status to cool.,or anything,,I was still me..scumbag sue..toad looking sue..iguana sue..whatever..who cares..so today I went out wearing my hot pink shirt..and hot pink yoga pants with my dog..I let it bother me for a minute with the swagger guy then I poured NElson some water in a cup..watched a lady with a sheep dog looking at us while I got in the car and drove home..
Will I ever be a beauty queen..nope..but with the negatives there were positives..I use to think I kinda looked like Valerie Bertinelli and my mom and one guy thought that.,ok I will take that..and these days I get fewer I HATE THAT GIRL COMMENTS.,than in the past..maybe I am vibrating at a higher level..or not so self conscious or awkward..oh well still me..as it should be..