Middle of the night thoughts..

As I sit here taking an anti nausea pill to try to get rid of my nausea..and not think about the image in my head of my liver and gallbladder..Wow ..two parts of the body..you don’t expect to be thinking about or even visually remembering what they look like at 1am..I guess I am lucky..l am lucky that the guy I lived with for 4 yrs was so selfish..immature and clueless and that he chose to go with his mom to Florida..Although..I wish I had someone by my side while I sat in the doctors office staring at my liver and gallbladder..I suppose he wouldn’t be that person..and honestly he never was, although I lived with a bunch of people ..I was still very much alone..

Now ..I live with my family..they care ..and my brother is the only one who can really help me..since my mom is 79..doesn’t drive..and way too frail physically and emotionally to be of support..or understand..My brother tried to talk to me about my discussion with the doctor today..but I just answered him briefly because he doesn’t know how to talk to people and he was making me feel worse..Dr. Srinivas suggested I do a chemo embolization..which is similar to the liver procedure I had in August..except this time he wants to shoot chemo into my liver..yay..not..I say suggested..like there was another option..this procedure would require me to stay over night in the hospital..Although he tried to make light of it..obviously if they don’t want you to go home..it’s a big deal..

So..excuse me if I get annoyed at the person I lived with for 4 yrs who reads my facebook and comments on dumb things and always sounds dumb..I made like a chocolate crunch with popcorn and took pictures..all he could say is what’s that..while ignoring all the hospital comments and not once mentioning how I was ..does is hurt? Sure..but I guess it is a blessing..because this person isn’t equipped to handle this..or wants to..he could have..he didn’t have to go to Florida…but he knew it would be easier..his mom would front the money for the house..he would have to live with her.,but he gets the house..yes he works..and yes it still hurts..and yes I still feel abandoned ..but Ahh well..

So I posted my fundraiser and asked for any amount or gift cards..I got one donation and an Amazon gift card,,which is awesome..so yes I have people that care in my life..even if they are miles away.they are still real living people..I attended a harvest festival 2 weeks ago..and several knew me from facebook and acted like they knew me..so yes facebook friends are real..I met like 4 of them that day..and I am very grateful for them..they pray and comfort me at all hours of the day..so I am thankful for all of them..


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