Scrolling through my Facebook.,I read..


 


…my news feed this morning..I read the title of someone’s blog..the words..Cancer is not a gift and doesn’t make me a better person..Hmm..the title was enough to make me click on the link and read it was the title to this woman’s book..and I didn’t read further..but I disagree..Yes Cancer is challenging..wish I didn’t have it..wish I wasn’t on chemo.,something I fought all these years to not go on.,I wish every time I did anything ..that strands of hair didn’t continue to fall out..but it being a gift..yes..yes it is..it forces me to focus on each day..each day I open my eyes..is a gift.,I use to think my life had no value ..until I was fighting for it..then I started to not let silly things bother me.,ok I still have my moments,,I’m not a saint for God’s sake..

Like the other day..I went to the township office to purchase Nelson’s dog license..I wander upstairs..l am standing there with my hat and coat on,,getting warmer by the second,,and this girl behind the desk..doesn’t look up..but I see this smirk on her face.,Ahh the smirk I know and hate..GRR..then the girl at the next desk asked if she could help me.,she was nicer anyways..then I look over and another lady wandered upstairs looking to pay for dog licenses too..all of a sudden this girl is all friendly,as I stand there and watch..I was thinking.,bitch..but whatever..maybe they take turns helping people..she didn’t have to …well be a bitch.,but I am use to it,,there is always someone…lol..so as I happily leave with new dog license in hand,,the snobby girl looks over at me.,I am sorry it is just a reflex.,you treat me crappy,,I may do the same back..I have Cancer.,who cares lol..so I stick my tongue out at her..and walk away..ok not my best moment…but I am so over letting people treat me like crap..she didn’t know the courage it took me to leave my house..knowing every where I go,,I leave a trail of strands of hair..and how self conscious I am of my thinning hair as I hide it under my hat and try to act normal..luckily the other girl was pleasant and all was well..

Cancer has taught me not to take shit..yes there is always someone who is going to be an asshole towards me..many times the game I would play is ..to find the one someone who wasn’t..whether it was at school…work whatever..then when I was able to work on my own as a pet sitter..I found a new freedom..no one gawking at me,,saying crap about how I look whatever..but unfortunately..I didn’t handle this freedom as well as I should have..I should have paid taxes on the business back then ..so at least now I would receive a decent amount of disability..Ahh well lesson learned…but the story of my life isn’t over yet..I am still alive.,I can still share my thoughts..my story on facebook..on this blog…I have a voice and will no longer hide..hair or not..ehh never really liked my hair anyways..and am anxiously waiting for my new hair to arrive in the mail tomorrow..

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